You know that feeling you get when you’re afraid? It’s like you just need to get away. That’s what I’ve been feeling over the past few days. I just want to run. That explains why I’ve been on a treadmill a lot lately.

A few months ago, I applied for a summer scholarship program. It’s geared towards the arts. For example, writing, theater, media, and others. I could have gotten a full ride to college if I had gotten in. It’s really funny because I was so confident with my application and with my interview, but I didn’t get in. That program was supposed to take up a lot of my time this summer. Instead, I feel like I have no purpose whatsoever. I’m one of those people who aren’t happy with sitting around doing nothing.

I was watching Beauty and the Beast earlier and one of the things Belle said was, “And for once it might be grand to have someone understand I want so much more than they’ve got planned.” I want to do something important this summer. I’d like another life changing experience.

Speaking of life changing experiences, I went to Europe in April. I must say, it was the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. We went to England, Ireland, and Wales. I fell in love with London immediately. I cried when I saw Big Ben. I was also blessed with the chance to stand outside the royal entrance of Westminster Abbey. Oh! I also stood on the steps of St. Paul’s where Princess Diana walked on her wedding day. If I could go back to London, I would, and I would never come home. I couldn’t help feel like I belonged there.

On our last night there, we ate at a little restaurant called Hummus Bros. They had this cute t-shirt that said “Give peas a chance!” I wanted to get it for my dad, but I ran out of time. If anybody lives in London and you stumble upon that place, could you get me the t-shirt?

I have a lot of plans for my blog. I intend to at least write once a week this summer. I attempted designing a layout today, but it didn’t turn out well. I’m completely lacking inspiration even though I have the motivation.

One more thing! Ever since I’ve been home from Europe, my obsessions have been Adele and Doctor Who. Thank you so much, Great Britain

Long story short, we were blessed. Greatly blessed! There are presents under the tree now. I can’t begin to describe how thankful I am for those presents. Not because I just wanted presents, but because I was shown what Christmas really is. I would gladly give up presents every year if I could feel this way each Christmas. I know I’m being sort of vague. It’s because I want you to experience it for yourself, I suppose.

Anyway, I’m watching An Affair to Remember right now. It’s fantastic! I watched it for the first time several day ago and I just love it. I think it has to be one of my favorite movies ever. First, the girl (Terry) has red hair so we just have this connection. By the way, I have red hair if you didn’t know. Second, I just love the way they talk. Everything is almost poetic

For the past several weeks I have been working on my manuscript for a summer scholarship program..thing.. Okay, I don’t know how to describe it. Let’s just say that if I get accepted I go and stay at this college for about three weeks. If you’re accepted, you get some serious scholarships. It’s really important and I’ve heard it’s a life changing experience. Oh, and it’s for artsy folk My manuscript has to be 6-8 pages long and sent in by the 31st of this month.

Hello, people! If you think that’s easy then imagine me smacking you. Writing is beyond difiicult. First you have your rough draft then you spend hours, maybe even days, revising and finally you have your final draft. I love it, but it’s been stressful. All of my old poems I can’t bear to read because they are so awful. I’ve written completely new poems for this manuscript and it has not been easy.

I’ve also been working on Christmas presents for my friends. This year I can’t afford to buy them anything so I’ve had to make things. The majority of presents aren’t finished. My sister’s is done (and I’m quite proud of it) but that’s about it. Let’s see… I have four more presents to finish. Drawing isn’t a piece of cake either, especially when it’s drawing an anime character. If you don’t get the angle of the eyes just right, it all looks wrong.

In summary, this is what I have to do:

In all actuality, I don’t have that much to do. I’m just stressed and dramatic

These past two months have been amazing. I’ll elaborate a little bit later. Since I’m in school, I don’t feel like talking to much. Basically I’m waiting for Glee club practice. Yes, my school has a show choir and I love it.

Let’s just make this short and sweet because I ran out of words.

Wait! I want to tell you about this amazing thing called Panera Bread. I went to Panera Bread for the first time on Friday with my friends and I can tell you that the sandwhich I had was the most amazing sensation my taste buds have ever experienced. If you haven’t eaten at Panera Bread, you’re missing out.

Bye now Oh. Sorry if there are any spelling errors. I can’t figure out how to get spell check on this computer..

School has been extremely stressful. We had four tests yesterday. My teachers said they were going to work together so we didn’t have so many tests right on top of each other, but look what happened to that plan. I studied hard and I feel like I did well with all my tests except for biology. Honestly, I find science to be overcomplicated. I believe that scientists made up all the big names for things just to torment high school kids.

One of the tests I took yesterday was a grammar test. I didn’t realize how many ridiculous grammar rules the English language has. I’ve always thought that I should put a comma every time I paused, but I guess I was wrong. I’ve decided to write an article listing most of  grammar rules I’ve learned. I’ll probably break it up into several different parts just for simplicity’s sake. I’m hoping to have that finished before October.

I wasn’t just stressed because of all the tests we had. Auditions for my school’s musical and drama were this week. We are going to be performing The Rented Christmas, Pride & Prejudice, and Kiss Me Kate. I was planning on auditioning for Elizabeth in Pride & Prejudice until I found out that one of the extremely talented seniors was auditioning for that role and I knew I wouldn’t stand a chance against seniority. I decided to audition for the lead in Kiss Me Kate instead. Charity auditioned for the same role. I’m extremely proud of her; she did amazing.

The day of auditions I was a nervous wreck. It was my first time singing in front of the people at my school and I was terrified. I felt very confident about my acting, but while I was singing my voice wouldn’t stop shaking. I managed to stay on time the music and stay on key even though my voice was so unsteady.

My drama teacher posted the cast listing (I guess that’s what you would call it) on his door during second period. The whole thing was very theatrical. Everybody swamped his door, I shoved my way to the front and ran my finger down the list until it landed on “Lilli Vanessi.” I looked beside that name and saw “Abby Vickers.” Of course, my name was spelled wrong, but I got the part! I’m a fourteen year–old sophomore and I got the lead in my school’s musical. How exciting is that? Not only did I get a lead role, my best friends both got lead roles in the other plays. Charity is playing the lead in The Rented Christmas and Guffey is playing the lead in Pride & Prejudice. I’m so ridiculously proud of them both.

I’ve missed blogging everyday. Between school, auditions, friends, and family I haven’t had time to do anything with my website. Today I plan to return all of my comments. Hopefully I can get caught up with everything and start managing my time a little better. I don’t want to be so committed to my website that I have no life away from the computer, but I don’t want to see my favorite hobby go down the drain either. I want to have a few articles and Mission 365 completed before October. I might even take a huge step and try to code a new layout for this site. We’ll see. >.> For now I’ll just update my portfolio with my first essay of the school year, My Summer of 2010.

My birthday is in nine days. I haven’t made a big deal about it because I see my birthday as just another day out of the year. It does mark the day I turn 15, but why bother celebrating? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitter towards the day I was born. I don’t sit around and cry because I wish I was never born. That’s a silly thought. What I’m trying to say is that I’m only one person in a world full of other people who are probably smarter, more talented, less talented, happier, sad, or more accomplished then I am. What’s the importance of one birthday when so many others probably celebrate the same day?

Despite my insignificance, I decided to actually think about what I wanted for my birthday. I thought about asking for a new phone, clothes, shoes, laptop case, books, flat iron, an itunes gift card, and many other items. I would be grateful for any of those nice things, but none of them seemed worth asking for. They are all just another possession, just another phone or another book that many other people probably have. Just another present, just another girl.

Some would say they would like to go back in time and undo the mistakes they’ve made. I would rather speed up time, skip through the consequences of my mistake, and still learn a lesson. I could ask for the impossible. For my birthday, I would like a time machine.

If my birthday really is important and if you want to make a big deal out of it, I would like something special. Not a fancy jacket or a coach purse, not a DSLR with a 300mm lens, and not a new cell phone or a Mac. I want something that I’ll remember forever; not because it was expensive and you wasted your money on me, but because you wasted your thoughts on me. Waste your time making a cupcake, waste your thoughts writing a poem. I’m not saying that I’ll be angry if you buy me a present. Please, don’t think that. I suppose my thoughts can be summarized in a cliche. It’s the thought that counts.

For my birthday, I would love it if you’d waste your thoughts on me.

Speaking of my portfolio, I wrote a poem over the weekend. I didn’t plan on showing anyone, but I feel like I should post it here. Check it out if you want to,  just know that it is really dedicated to someone special. I don’t have the guts to let him read it, though.

I got my first pair of converse the other day I absolutely love them. I’m too lazy to take a picture, so if you want to see them just click. I think they are the best pair of shoes I’ve ever purchased, and I got them for a good price. Sales are wonderful.

After I return comments, write an article, and do my homework, then I’m going to work on coding a layout for Mission 365. Mission 365, is going to be a blog where I’ll design graphic everyday for at least a year. Hopefully it will help me keep up with returning comments and blogging throughout the school year. I’ve been really impressed with everyone’s 365 projects, so I decided to start one myself.

I’m sifting through my brain, trying to find something deep and thoughtful to right about. Nothings coming to me. Maybe next time

There are several exchange students in my class, and they are all so amazing. Willi and Jerome are from Germany and Nang is from Thailand. Also, a girl named Elena is visiting our school for a few days. She lives in France. Oh! I think Daniel actually moved to our town from Mexico. I also met Linda, another exchange student. She is in 12th grade and she’s from Taiwan.

Nang is so sweet, I really love her already. We spent a lot of time together today and our lockers are side by side. I wish that Elena was staying at our school. She is really nice, but unfortunately she has to go back home at the end of the week.

For the first time in years, I feel like I truly belong.

I sketched and colored Pikachu! I’m pleased with the turn out I’ve decided to design the covers for my binders on my own. It’s cheaper to buy solid color binders rather than binders with patterns on them. At least, I think it’s cheaper… Well, it isn’t that important. I finished my chibi, too.

I just wanted to apologize for being slow about returning comments. I’m also sorry about writing such boring blogs. I have all these emotions boiling inside, but I can’t put them into words. I end up rambling and I know some people may not like blogs like this, but that’s okay. You’ll forgive me, right?

Life is good. This year will be amazing. I have to say, I’m extremely happy that freshman year is behind me.

Oh! I forgot to write about the last two meals I cooked. I tasted crab for the first time in my life and I loved it. We made crab cakes with a lime flavored dipping sauce a few nights ago. The crabs were supposed to be coated in bread crumbs, but because of my mom’s allergies, we used gluten free pretzels. Gluten is the protein in wheat, by the way. Because we used those pretzels, the crab was crumbly and it was very hard to fry. All in all, it was one of my favorite meals. I’ll definitely eat it again.

Also, we tried thai chicken wraps with a spicy peanut sauce. I didn’t like this on so much. The spicy peanut sauce was too spicy for my wimpy taste buds. The recipe used bean sprouts, so I tasted them for the first time. We have some left over bean sprouts that we need to use. Maybe we’ll try another recipe with them sometime.

There was another spider outside our house. This time, it was huge. I’d say about the size of two quarters, including it’s legs. Here is a picture.

I finally finished BoneMan’s Daughters last night. It was a good book, I just didn’t like it as much as some of Ted Dekker’s other books. I was struggling to get through it until I came to the last 40 or 50 pages, and then it was a breeze. I’m glad I finally finished it. Now I can move on to another book! I think I’m going to read Maximum Ride by James Patterson. I’ve heard a lot of good things about that book, so I’m really excited.

I’ve been making a lot of vexels lately. I made a rocket ship which I think turned out very well. I was planning on using it for Mission 365 (my design/photo blog) but it didn’t really look right. I also sketched a chibi a long time ago and I decided to color it. I have to get the shadows right, but I’m having so much trouble with it. If anyone has any advice on shading, it would be much appreciate. I’ve stared at it for hours and I still can’t figure it out. I might give up and hand it over to someone else to shade it for me. No, I don’t want to do that. I just need some pointers.

Here is my rocket ship and here is my unfinished chibi. I still have my color palette on the side of my chibi

School starts on Wednesday. I’m excited to see my friends, but I really don’t want to sit in a classroom and listen to a teacher for hours. I have to take Spanish this year, and I’m terrible at learning a different language. Aside from that, I have a feeling that it is going to be a good year.

Drama. A lot of girls nowadays just look for reasons to hate other girls and it annoys me. What especially bugs me, is drama between good friends. One friend gets mad at another friend and suddenly they hate each other. Why do we waste our time hating people? It’s pointless and won’t get you anywhere. What some girls fail to realize is that you can only stay mad at your best friend for so long. In a day or two, they will share a heart felt apology and act like it never happened. What did that accomplish? Nothing. You wasted your time fussing about what so-and-so did to you, why so-and-so hates you. So many people spend their days wondering why this person doesn’t like you anymore and how you messed up and lost his or her friendship. Can’t we do what we can to earn their forgiveness, and then move on? Can we put some of our own struggles on the back burner and help somebody else, for a change? If you look around, there will always be somebody that has it worse then you. Self pity isn’t the way to go.

I know this blog is all over the place, but I can’t really think straight.

Friday, I went to see Salt with Guffey and David. It was a pretty good movie and I had a lot of fun with my friends. Saturday, I didn’t really do anything besides watch Percy Jackson and The Olympians with my family. That was a good movie, too. I was being lazy for the majority of the weekend. Let’s just say, I’m glad I’m home.

Yesterday was a lot of fun. Church was great. My friends and I sold bracelets to raise money for our youth group. They have our youth group’s logo on them. I was going to take a picture of the bracelet but my sister stole the camera to make one of her videos. I also baked a cake!

I’ve decided that I should learn how to cook. I can bake a killer carrot cake every now and then, but I can’t really cook dinner unless it’s microwaveable macaroni and cheese. I told my mom that I was going to pick out the menu for this week and asked if she would teach me how to cook. I’m going on a recipe hunt after I finish this blog. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I’ve been more open with my friends about my online life. I didn’t want anyone to know about it because a lot of people would consider this nerdy. I don’t think it’s nerdy I think web designing is art, in its own way.

I feel like I should conquer my fear of driving. Last time I drove, I ran over a watermelon.